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Indicators, Causes, Coping Ideas — Talkspace

What Causes Abandonment Points?

Our fears could seem irrational generally, however they’re a pure response to perceived risks.  Abandonment fears are typically rooted in deep, often-painful private experiences. Worry of abandonment can affect individuals in some ways and has quite a lot of causes.

“Worry of abandonment is the concern or perception that you simply’ll be left behind by these you’re keen on. This will usually go away you feeling unloved, insecure, insufficient, and unworthy of affection. Worry of abandonment can are available in a number of classes — the concern of being left by a romantic accomplice or of being abandoned by your mother and father (or kids as an older grownup). It’s usually brought on by one thing traumatic taking place in your previous akin to loss of life of or being abandoned by a guardian or caregiver; neglect; feeling rejected by your friends; or being left instantly by a romantic accomplice.”

Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

Trauma/previous experiences

Abandonment trauma could also be prompted in response to a traumatic or distressing occasion. When a relationship ends instantly or in an upsetting approach, it could trigger anxiousness in future relationships. Infidelity, divorce, neglect or abuse, and the loss of life of a accomplice can all trigger concern of abandonment.


The bonds we type throughout childhood form the best way we see relationships as adults. If somebody experiences childhood trauma akin to emotional neglect, violence, or abuse, it is smart that it could be troublesome for them to really feel safe in future relationships. Research additionally verify that kids might develop abandonment points in the event that they’re separated from a guardian by divorce, incarceration, or loss of life. 

Unhealthy relationships

For some, it may be troublesome to acknowledge {that a} relationship is unhealthy, even in instances of abuse or after the connection has ended. If a previous accomplice — or perhaps a major caregiver — engaged in dangerous behaviors akin to intimidation, dishonesty, manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional neglect, you would possibly anticipate to see these behaviors in future relationships. Unresolved abandonment points after an unhealthy relationship could make it difficult for future companions. Relationship somebody with abandonment points could also be difficult to navigate if not addressed by each companions.


Whether or not somebody has misplaced a buddy, romantic accomplice, or member of the family, the loss of life of a beloved one could cause deep and lasting grief and ache. After experiencing that sort of loss, it may be widespread to really feel terrified about shedding others. The concern of abandonment might be particularly intense if the loss of life was sudden.

Unmet emotional wants

All of us want the fundamentals — meals, sleep, and shelter — to remain wholesome, however we even have emotional wants. When these wants are met, we really feel pleased and content material, however once they’re uncared for, we might really feel confused, annoyed, or unloved. Somebody might develop abandonment points after a caregiver or romantic accomplice repeatedly fails to satisfy their emotional wants.

Positive Recharge
Positive Recharge
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